Friends Helping Friends

Three months ago, a colleague/friend and I were having a conversation, and out of the blue she asked me if I would be her mentor.

At first, I was a little taken back, but soon realized that this person trusted me, and believed that I had the ability to help her get where she wanted to be.

"Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes,” she replied.

“You know that I will be taking this very seriously, so get ready,” I said.

Here’s the thing – we’ve known each other a few years and I always told her that she had choices, and I questioned what was holding her back from reaching out for her goals. In her, I saw potential.

But it took for her to ask, and for me to respond, to make what I call the ‘coaching alliance. At that moment where suddenly things are clearer and a person is ready to take the next step into the unknown, and have faith as their guide.

That day, my friend chose to move forward with her life, and I couldn’t have been happier to be there through her journey.

On that very day I gave my friend a few challenge questions to think about over the weekend.

Let’s talk strategy, I told her. Together, we both agreed upon a plan, including:

1. An agreement to work together for three months, with a meeting every Wednesday during our lunch time.

2. A Q&A about her life experiences, specifically, her concerns, fears, accomplishments, strengths and weaknesses.
3. Created short-term, mid-term and long term goals.
4. Provide her with books, articles and online resources.

5. Introduce her to the art of networking.

6. Focus on interview skills and self-presentation.

The result: As time went on, and we followed our strategy, I began to see subtle changes in her.

More confidence. A positive outlook. An emerging belief that she could achieve anything she put her mind to.

With increased confidence, my friend found herself mentoring relatives, changing her approach in conversation, thinking and acting differently.

The growth wasn’t just one-sided; I too grew in my abilities as a better person, coach and mentor.

This is her testimonial:

Celia,

I want to take the time to say thank you for coaching/mentoring me. You've taught me to set goals and to take steps to achieve them, to believe in myself, go after my dreams, take initiative for the things that matter most to me, and how to be fearless. You pushed me past my boundaries. You have truly shown me the meaning of professional development. You have a ‘take no prisoners’ attitude, and you gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to wake up and take my life and career seriously. Thank you again.

~Desiree

  

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MENTORING: Which side of the spectrum are you on?

What motivated me to write about this topic was my most recent mentoring experience this past fall. I've been volunteering with Streetwise Adult Career Ventures Program since February 2010 and could not have made a better decision.  It's been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Not only have I been making a difference in the lives of others, but, I too, have been learning and growing throughout this process.

Through this mentoring exchange, besides continuously learning more about myself, I have gained more confidence and sharpened my listening, communication and presentation skills. I have learned to accept and appreciate people for who they are. We're unique in our own way. As mentors, our job is not to change our mentees, but to inspire and equip them with the tools they need to improve who they are and their personal circumstances, which in return will hugely transform their lives. We're all different, but have one common goal in life and that is to love and be loved.

Mentoring means the world to me, because I have been on both sides of the spectrum. You too may have been a mentor at some point in your life, maybe as a work colleague, a career buddy, a friend, a confidant, a family member, a coach, or a teacher. I've had amazing people to guide me throughout my life - family members, friends, basketball coaches, professionals.

My experiences with them have taught me two things:

1.  People are genuinely interested and willing to help, guide, support and encourage you without thought of personal gain. What catapults these relationships is our desire to dream, believe in ourselves and work hard.

2. People will give and show more of themselves only when you let your guard down and give and share more of yourself.

We're not perfect and we don't always have the answers to what life throws at us. Every now and then we all need guidance and encouragement. It is, therefore, important for us to seek the help of positive people who can challenge us and help us accomplish our goals. Even though you may have needed help at one time, that does not mean you cannot make a difference in someone else’s life. Use your expertise and the wisdom of your experiences to make an impact!

“Celia is a positive mentor because she knows how to be encouraging when she needs to be, tough when she has to be; when to listen and when to give direction. And she doesn’t always do it with a speech. Sometimes it’s just with a few simple yet important words that make all the difference. She doesn’t show impatience, and doesn’t make judgments. That is the best kind of help for anyone because you know you can tell someone your frustrations without being judged. She is there to help and you know it from the time you meet her. Her zest for life shows in the way she presents herself. She is always ready to go the extra mile!”

– Muneera, Fall 2010 Mentee and Outstanding Mentee Award recipient

RESOURCES:

Streetwise Partners

National CARES Mentoring Movement

Mentoring Definition
Mentoring picture source

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth" - Muhammad Ali